mandatory annual post

2025 is coming to an end. this means the end for annual health checkup, dentist's visit, tax relief eligible purchases and contributions, is coming close. and that also includes a mandatory annual entry here.

to sum up, i have witnessed a downhill of my mental and intelligence states despite the thriving financial stage. what does that mean, you ask?

well, the first half of the year went extremely well. 

alhamdulillah, i performed umrah with my mom this year. i realized that i could never learn everything there is to learn. just when i thought i have equipped myself enough, there is always something to reflect on and ponder upon throughout the ibadah. for example, in Madinah, i was fortunate enough to get the opportunity to enter Raudhah - we booked it a week early on Nusuk app once umrah visa was approved. the unfortunate side was that i wasn't familiar enough with the spots within Raudhah and its vicinity. i didn't know where exactly the mimbar was, tiang Aisyah, the seerah behind every spot. as a result, i felt some kind of disappointment in myself for not being aware and knowledgeable enough on the facts and histories of the Garden of Jannah. It was not an easy journey to the city, and that limited by full-immersion experience for not having enough knowledge. another thing i learned was on niat - our intention. we know that as per 13 pantang larang ihram, no scent was allowed. with that, i prepared vaseline as lip balm and lotion for we were visiting during winter - perfect choice as acknowledged by ustazah. before ihram, i sought another confirmation with her - can i put on this non-scented tinted lip balm? to that, she answered, what is your niat to wear ihram? took me a while to tone down and understand what she meant by that seemingly confrontational question. after some time, it sunk on me - i'm getting into ihram to solely perform umrah, no other intention. not to stay hydrated or keep my lips looking plump. and i learned that, in everything i do, intention comes first. i pray that i get to visit the sacred cities again, and for those who haven't been, to be invited to. it's the kind of indescribable peace that everyone should experience, a reset to our busy, possible seemingly purposeless life. 

upon return from umrah, financial fortune rolled in - salary revision with merit. not saying no to that. later, it's performance review time - another bump. fast forward to pre-raya, i started a new job. boom, skyrocketed (relatively). alhamdullilah. 

going into the second half of the year, my mental state and motivation plummeted. it could be the learning curve that came in the new job, it could be the unstable environment, it could be a messy mind up here messing around with everything there is in my life. whichever it is, come 2026, i'm leaving behind this mess. may God help me always.