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Saturday, October 8, 2016

What am I doing with my life?

This week has been the most hectic week I've ever had throughout my 2 years of college.

I had two exams, Bio on Tue, and Ochem on Fri, which was just now.
The whole world, fine I exaggerate, but seriously tho, everyone is well-informed that the professor I'm having for Bio is the hardest one to have, and he's the only one who teaches this semester.
I have no other choice but to choose him then because man I need to transfer Fall next year!

So I studied the whole weekend last week for Bio, like literally the whole weekend, because I know it's going to be super hard the exam.
Then on Monday, I attempted the sample exam he gave us, which was last year's exam, and man I kid you not, even after I was confident after those weekends of Biology, I was so stressed out. I felt like a dumb. I felt like not knowing any Bio. I felt like I've never studied/learnt/read Bio to answer those questions he imposed on his students last year. I was stressed out. Seriously.  I went to Syahmi to rant on my life tho I know he's basically having a tight schedule too. I called my mom. I called Tonah. I messaged Eisqil. I let everything out. Thank you. And after my Physics class, I went straight home. It was 10 pm. I was exhausted, physically and mentally. I decided to sleep. And I didn't have my last revision that night. I let everything out. I didn't care no more. I felt down. Never had I felt this down. I wanted to give everything up. Pack my stuff and go back home, seek knowledge using any medium but this system I am in. But man. Who am I to do that? I ain't nobody. I realize that I have no other choices but to just follow the flow, follow the stream everyone else is taking just because I have no power over it.
I woke up on Tue, I called my mom. Said that this is hard. I'm gonna just try the best I could. I couldn't do this no more. Pray for me. School is easier, I said, to which she replied, Memang la. Haha.
Because I already had that down moment before the exam, so I did not put any high expectations to get an A but I still revised the lectures, tho I was about to give it up at first.
For Ochem test, I started studying on Wednesday. With classes and all, it was a real bad plan.
I don't think I did well on the test. I should've started earlier. I should've figured the chemistry right after the lecture and not procrastinate.
And I still have an essay due on Sun and haven't started.
Don't worry I'm working my ass out now.

My whole point ranting on my life is to tell myself, kid, it ain't easy.
Life is hard. You gotta work hard to live your life well.
Yes, tho you love the major, the path the system lies down for you to reach the upper division courses, it ain't easy. Bear with it. Two more semesters. Start making up your grades. DO NOT PROCRASTINATE. You'll pass this. Just, be patient, like a circle. Maybe double circle. Oh, just like how the substituents of the molecules avoid the strains to become a stable one. Do it.

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